As usual when I come back to this I’m astounded by how long I’ve managed to leave it before writing. Life has consumed me: work, uni, placement, work, sleep. It feel like I’ve been on go since December and no-one has hit stop yet.
Now this isn’t me trying to blame anyone for my crazy life; it’s all my doing. I do it to myself; I like to keep myself busy but I need to learn when to say no. Two nights a week I work, two nights I play netball, the remaining three get filled with dinners, other to-do’s and work wanting me to work more. It feels like it never stops. On top of that I decided it would be a good idea to organise a conference, write some case reports and submit abstracts. My foot has been on the accelerator, and I don’t know when I’m going to get to let it go. Exams have been and gone, and once again (as always) are fast approaching and summer, you’ve all but gone.
Recently I’ve taken a step back to attempt to look at myself and my life. The factors that make me, me; the pros and the cons of myself. Now this isn’t some self deprecating post, it’s purely and exercise to try and help my understand my own mind. So often do I worry and panic that I’m a bad friend or terrible human for no reason at all. I am trying to get into the workings of my brain to understand what makes me anxious and sad, why I end up feeling the way I do. I hope that the more I explore this, the less anxious I’ll become and more at ease I’ll be. It’s never going to be easy, it’s tough to break a habit of a lifetime.
So summer – as your comforting embrace leaves us once more for the final time (hopefully) before I am officially Dr Jones; just know that by next year I should be more at ease.